she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
