don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize