So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
