Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
