And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
