She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize