You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
