I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
