Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
try to milk me bitch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
