i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
