Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
