Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
