you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
