So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
