You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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