FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
