I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
