proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
