last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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