I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
