The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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