Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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