i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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