dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
