My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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