so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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