Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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