turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize