The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
