nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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