Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
