i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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