everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
