Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
