he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
