your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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