yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
