Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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