I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
