You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
