just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize