I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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