I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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