yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
