Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i will never coherently bang her
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
