:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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