so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thank you for not boning my boss.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize