I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
