My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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