dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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