i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
