...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize