You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
