Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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