Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
