I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
