The maid of honor just puked.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
