so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
