I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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