Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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