What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
