well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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