hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
