There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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