You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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