we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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