our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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