my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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