Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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