Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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