hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
