This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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