you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So apparently I’m into choking now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
