If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
