So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
