at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
