I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
