Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
