Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
