i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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