4 words: hood of his car
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
