I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
