Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize