Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
