I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
