All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
