Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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