Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
