I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
