don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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