in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
