Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
