thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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