Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
