I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
