We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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