i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
