did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize