Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
NoShamevember. You game?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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