He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
