as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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