"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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