the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
