I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
