So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
