We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
