Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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