Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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