bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
