I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
